Dealing With Rejection

There are a few ways I have found to be useful when dealing with rejection. Rejection can happen in any relationship whether it is in business or with peers.

The most important thing is to replace rejection with someone or something else. If rejection has come from a peer, make or form new relationships with other people that will be more rewarding. When it comes to business it is important to move on and find the correct people. Finding things we enjoy doing and working on something positive will help us to cope and take our focus away from rejection.

Do not take rejection too personally. If it is coming from a peer, the issues are likely with them or we are not in the correct relationships for us to grow. If it is in business, they are not the correct person for the job. Walk away and move on.

Be interested in others. This way it is easy to find good friends and workmates. Finding passions that are enjoyable in order to mix with people with similar interests will be of great benefit so bonding in relationships will be much easier.

Rejection gives the chance to change and discover who we are and what we want. We are able to really appreciate what we want and pursue it. If it is not what we want we can change our circumstances and if it is what we want we know we are following the right path.

Rejection is not a good feeling, but staying strong will keep a focus on how to improve the situation. People reject others for different reasons. Sometimes it is done intentionally to hurt and sometimes it is just not the right circumstance or relationship.

The most important lesson is to learn from experiences. Find the right situations and the rewarding relationships. There is a saying 'when one door closes, another door opens'.

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Put Energy Into Something Positive

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I think we are all guilty of using our energy in negative ways. However, using our energy in a positive way benefits us for a variety of reasons. Using energy positively can come in the form of playing sports, reading a book, yoga, keeping a gratitude journal, writing, learning a musical instrument or learning a new skill.

• Keeping busy helps us deal with stress. When we are busy we do not focus on our problems. When we are not focusing on our problems we are not going to worry about them.
• We do not waste our own valuable time if we are using our energy in a positive way. We only have a certain amount of time in the day. Once the time is gone, it is gone.
• We can focus on creating something and getting results. This gives us a feeling of satisfaction.
• It keeps a positive frame of mind. This is great for success and life is a lot easier to deal with.

Overall, if we put our energy into something positive we are more likely to be stronger for dealing with the daily obstacles of life, have belief in ourselves, boost our self-esteem and confidence, find solutions and be inspired to be more creative. This will benefit our health, well-being and increase our chances of success.

Personality Disorders: The Psychopath

When studying about different personality disorders, I have learned that Psychopaths are not all dangerous and are not all criminals. Not all criminals are psychopaths. Psychopaths among us can have very successful careers and live very successful lives.

There are different traits of the Psychopath:

• They are very charming and are very intelligent.
• They are never shy around others.
• Everything is about them.
• They are easily bored and find that they need to have constant stimulation.
• They are pathological liars, that manipulate and con others.
• They lack good sense and judgement.
• They have no guilt, remorse, are callous, without empathy, shallow emotions and are unable to feel love.
• They have poor control of their tempers.
• They indulge in sexual promiscuity.
• They never take responsibility.
• They feel they are special and superior to others.
• They are always seeking gratification and reward.

What causes Psychopathy?

The causes of Psychopathy can be due to a number of factors. Childhood experiences and genetics such as deformities in the brain associated with emotions. Psychopathy can start as early as childhood. People who indulge in theft, vandalism, bullying and substance abuse are more likely to be or become psychopaths.

Psychopathy explained:

Psychopaths are very false and superficial. They charm people around them and they use this charm to get what they want. Everything in life is about them, what they want, what they need and they lie and manipulate others into getting what they want. They control others for personal gain and feel no guilt or remorse for this. They are actually unable to connect with other people emotionally and do not care about the needs of others. They are unable to control their temper and it is obvious through bouts of verbal or physical abuse. They are very easily annoyed, irritated and impatient with others. The impulsiveness of the psychopath leads them to take action without thinking, they also can have multiple sexual partners. Sexual partners are more of an ego boost or a conquest to them because they never feel any love or affection for the people they are intimately involved with. When they make mistakes, they will never accept responsibility and they certainly never learn from them. The grandiose view of themselves makes them think they are superior to others and they deserve better than others.

Dealing with a Psychopath:

When dealing with a psychopath it depends on the degree of the condition. It also depends on how involved we are with that person. If they cause significant harm, cutting ties is the best option. They are very clever and can manipulate into seeing that the victim is the bad person and not them. Protecting ourselves is vital as well as getting the support and help we need.

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Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 2 to chapter 5.

Using Our Own Products

When selling products, there is a great advantage in having a passion and interest in what we sell. Learning that they work and that we want to use them increases the belief for ourselves as well as the customer. We can comfortably sell products because we believe what we are saying about the product is true.

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If we use the products we sell ourselves, we will have a good knowledge of how they work and how to use them. We can describe the features and benefits of each product. For example, if we are selling a face cream and we use it ourselves, we are able to share our experiences of using the product.

We will also have a knowledge of how it meets the needs of the customer. We can also back up what is claimed about the product. Being able to show how products work gives our customers a feeling of trust towards us and we can be completely honest and upfront about how genuine they are. This provides a better service to customers and adds value to our business.

I have a great passion and interest in the products that I sell. If there is something I need for the house or cosmetics, I use the products I sell. The reason is I believe they work and do what they say. I will not sell a product I do not believe in.

Getting customers to review products they have bought gives us a feeling of satisfaction that the customer is happy with their purchase. It also gives us an insight into the products we have not yet had a chance to use ourselves. After all, we want customers to be happy and satisfied with the products they buy.

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What I Have Learned So Far

Through my journey of personal development, I have learned so much about life and people. It is amazing how learning about human behaviour and how I look at life affects how I cope. Dealing with life before my journey was full of confusion and negativity.

I have learned that I can't change or control the people around me. People are going to act the way they are going to act. I can't control how they behave, it is totally out of my hands. I can only control how I feel and react. I know that when people behave in a certain way it is not necessarily anything to do with me but how they feel. I also have learned to deal with people. If I have a relationship with a person that is very difficult, sometimes it is best to walk away. I could spend my life trying to keep people happy, however, it will not change things. Being true to myself is so important.

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Focusing on my own life and goals will lead me to the right path. This gives me something to work towards. Keeping feeding my mind with the right information will lead me to what I want and will give me a positive view of life. Positive thinking is essential. This way I will have very few bad days. When things go wrong I need to keep moving forward and not look back and dwell on it.

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Trying new things and moving out of my comfort zone will give me the confidence to build the lifestyle I want. This will remove any fear and uncertainty that I carry. If I try something and it does not work, there is always plan B, that I have learned from it and can move forward with a different path.

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Believing in myself and working towards my goals is a difficult area for me. I think we all loose belief now and again, it is difficult to think that something exists if it has not happened yet. If I keep believing, I will take the right action towards my goals.

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Action is important for results. Belief will not get me what I want without taking action towards it. Once I have achieved what I want I will have created the foundation for the life I want. The rewards might seem small to start but over time they will grow. It is about taking the right action in the right direction.

These steps will create happiness, health and a good future. Working on improving my weaknesses in these areas will improve my life greatly.

Choice of Words

During my journey of personal development, I have learned how much the choice of words used influences the way we think.

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We grow up with negativity around us. As children we have negative words constantly thrown at us, 'do not do that', 'that is wrong' and 'no'. We are also bombarded with this in the media. We are unaware of how much we are influenced. We should be using words such as, 'it would be better if you...', 'you could...' and 'this is better... because'. The idea is to explain how to do something correctly and say why something is wrong in a constructive way rather than just using a negative phrase or word. It programs our minds in the right direction as well as giving us an understanding of how to improve ourselves and our actions.

How we use language affects how we think. If we are constantly being exposed to the negative, our inner voice will be negative, if we are exposed to the positive, our inner voice will be positive. It is very difficult today because the environment around us is negative, however it is best for us to learn how to deal with our environment and to let it influence us as little as possible.

Positive words leads us to positive thinking. It is best to feed our minds with good. If we always think positive, we will be less likely to have bad days. Everyone has problems that come up from time to time, but it is how we deal with them is what determines how well we cope. Positive thinking helps us cope through the bad times, if we think negatively we are going to struggle each time a problem arises.

Think Before We Speak And Act

My experiences of life have taught me many things. One of the most important lessons is using my head. I have never felt good or proud of myself for saying or doing something negative to someone else. We take our relationships with others for granted. If we actually thought and experienced being on our own and having no one to support us through our ups and downs, share our life with, people to chat and have fun with, we would think a lot harder about the things we say and do. We need to think about how we behave affects our relationships and the society around us.

We are all guilty of saying things we should not say and doing things we should not do, after all, we are human. However, we must make an effort to learn from our mistakes and think about the consequences of our actions. I am not necessarily saying that we must stay in destructive relationships. There is no doubt that we must free ourselves from harm because it will not benefit us down the line, but we must not cause unnecessary harm. We must also remember that healthy relationships have boundaries. Be good to people, but we should not allow them to abuse us. We have to learn to respect each other as well as ourselves because it is important that we have healthy functioning relationships and a healthy society.

Thinking before we speak or take action does not mean that we stay quiet. It is about getting balance. If we are being harmed we need to speak up to sort the problem. There is a difference between speaking up to sort a problem than to saying and doing things harmful to someone because we are angry, jealous or resentful. If we do not sort problems they will continue.

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Life is very short and we should spend it learning to grow and make our societies a better place for our children. If we do not do this, what future do we have? We are not an island and we need the companionship of others.

Treating others badly has to be thought about carefully. Why would we want to anyway? We have to think about the sort of people we are if we take pleasure in doing this. We are not able to take back the things we do or say, however, there is always a chance for forgiveness and a chance to repair the damage, but it might take some time and we could have permanently ruined the relationship. It also damages society so think carefully.

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My final thoughts are that I have learned greatly from my experiences whether they are good or bad. People who have treated me unfairly or been unkind to me have made me grow. I chose to turn the bad experiences around and learn from them, they have made me stronger. People who have stood by me, who have been supportive and good to me have given me a sense of belonging and companionship. The more I learn from my mistakes, the better person I become. The better person I become, it allows me to cope better with the challenges of life. Relationships with good people are very important. Respect is important because without this we loose our worth as human beings.

I always think to myself before I speak or act:

• Am I being fair and honest?
• How will my words or actions affect the other person?
• How will my words or actions affect the relationship?
• Will it make my relationship better or will it destroy it for good?
• What are my reasons for taking action?
• Am I just being resentful, jealous or angry and not doing it for the right reasons?

Personality Disorders: The Sociopath

Sociopaths are not all criminals and are not all violent. They are also not necessarily dangerous. Some people have traits of a sociopath that play a very productive part in society such as being confident, not conforming to social norms and thinking independently. However, there are more destructive traits that the sociopath possesses.

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  The characteristics of a person which might suggest they are a sociopath:

• Do they use people on a regular basis?
• Do they not have any consideration for others?
• Do they take from others all the time?
• Do they constantly lie?
• Are they always looking for pity and for people to feel sorry for them?
• Do they take advantage of another persons kindness?
• Do they make people feel guilty?
• Do they get bored easily?
• Are they very charming?
• Do they always seek stimulation?
• Do they use flattery?
• Do they feel they are entitled to things and that others owe them?
• Do they blame others for their mistakes?
• Do they acknowledge any faults or mistakes they have or have made?

If we know someone who has many of these characteristics, it is not a good relationship to be in. 

Sociopaths are very charming. They have an over the top sexual appetite and use sex to relieve their boredom. They often engage in risky behaviour. They betray people because they lack any feelings of guilt, shame and remorse. They can be threatening and can harm others. They are very interested in themselves and are great liars. When they deceive others it is a form of power and control for them which they thrive on. They are very intelligent people and often they have a high IQ. They can use this to manipulate others. They lack feelings of balanced people such as love, compassion, conscience, shame and guilt. They do not admit to any of their faults and they love to wear a mask. They will do anything to avoid being confronted and for people to find out the real person.


What causes a person to be a sociopath?

The wiring in the brain is different from the rest of the population. It is not really known what causes a sociopath because they come from all walks of life. There does not seem to be a link to the kind of childhood they had.


Their Goals

The goals of a sociopath is to get what ever they want at any cost, even at the expense of others. What they want can include:

Money

They will manipulate another person to get it, make them feel loved and most likely never ask directly for it. They want things handed to them for free. They live off others because they feel they are entitled to it.

Sex

Sociopaths crave stimulation. They often use sex to relieve boredom. Lasting relationships for them rarely happens and can have multiple relationships at a time. It is entertainment for them.

To get something from another person

They will often use people to do things for them. They will not engage in a relationship unless they get something out of it. They use lying, manipulation and deception to get what they want.

Status and image

This is very important to the sociopath, they want to hide their true nature and they want to be in relationships with people that will heighten their status. They will use these people to cover up their true self. They will go to the lengths of spreading lies to destroy the credibility of others to make them look good.

Control

They love to dominate. They manipulate and deceive others to stay in control. They want to feel superior and will harm others to get this. They hate to loose control and be exposed. People are possessions to them and they can be very paranoid, jealous and possessive.

They always want to win

They take great pleasure out of seeing others fail.

Dealing with a sociopath

Normal people have a natural connection to other people. This is because they share the same feelings of the ups and downs of life. When normal people hurt each other, they feel guilty. Sociopaths do not have these feelings. When dealing with sociopaths it is best to seek help from a professional. Stopping the contact with a harmful person is sometimes the only option. They will continue to manipulate. They will isolate a victim from others and say what they want to portray that it is not them that has the issues. It is best that they know as little about a person as possible. This way they cannot use the victims strengths and weaknesses against them and sociopaths are very good at spotting a persons strengths and weaknesses. Their nature cannot be changed as they do not believe that there is anything wrong with them. They cannot be cured as their brains are wired differently.


Final thought

As I said before, sociopaths are not all criminals. Some people have mild traits and do not commit crimes. However, if a relationship is harmful and destructive it is better to give a wide birth to find peace because there is nothing you can do to change them.

Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 6 to chapter 10.

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Personality Disorders: The Narcissist

Understanding different personalities helps us protect ourselves, teaches us how to deal with people who have these personalities and how they might affect our lives.

Narcissism is actually very common to some degree, but it depends how it affects daily life.

We have to think:

• How do we react to criticism? Do we go on the defense and justify the criticism? OR Do we learn from mistakes and experience?
• How do we behave towards how others feel? Are we considerate? OR Do we gloat on our superiority and criticise that person?
• How do we view ourselves? Do we recognise our faults? OR Do we feel we have no faults or do not recognise them?
• What do we look to achieve in life? Do we work towards selfless goals and have positive plans for the future? OR Do we want constant attention and drama in our lives?
• How do we treat others? Do we work towards what we want with consideration for others? OR Do we exploit others to get what we want?
• How do we feel about ourselves? Do we feel equal to others? OR Do we feel we are entitled to special treatment and that we are better than those around us?

We all have a certain amount of narcissism in us but it depends on how harmful it is to the people around us.

The person who is a Narcissist is focused on themselves through vanity. They are only interested in their own physical and intellectual characteristics. It is very high levels of self-confidence but underneath are very insecure and feel threatened by others achievements. They lack the compassion and humility of normal, balanced people. They are defensive towards others, especially if their self-esteem has been threatened by someone and as a result they will become hostile to that person. It is very destructive on society and the people around them.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

We can all have traits of narcissism but with Narcissistic Personality Disorder it is more severe and the Narcissist damages their relationships with the people around them. They think they are the most important people in the world who deserve special treatment. They think they are the only priority because they feel they are more important and they should be dealt with first. They are always seeking attention and appreciation from others. What really scares me the most and is very dangerous about one of the traits, they have a total lack of empathy for others. They manipulate people and treat other people in a negative way. An example of this lack of empathy could be being critical towards another person, maybe because of a haircut that the Narcissist does not like, the person being criticised tells the Narcissist that they have hurt their feelings and rather than the Narcissist reflecting or apologising for their actions they disregard the victims feelings because they feel that the haircut hurts their feelings and not the victims as they don't like it. They are very selfish, manipulative and too self-assertive. Assertiveness is about putting your point across without being aggressive, having reflection and respecting others. However, the Narcissist is aggressive in putting their point across and they put others down to make themselves look better. It is about jealousy, competition and comparison. An extreme Narcissist denies or is unaware of their condition so they will not seek treatment.

What causes Narcissism?

It is not fully known what causes Narcissism, however, there are a few factors that could be the cause such as genetic, parenting, society and culture.

How To Identify A Narcissist

These are the qualities that identify a Narcissist:

• They have very extremes of self-confidence, self-absorption and self-praise.
• They manipulate others to get what they want.
• They brag about things in their life, if they have nothing to brag about they become angry and hostile towards others.
• They hang around the people who agree with them, give them praise and admiration.
• They are snobs who put others down and talk behind their backs.
• They are unaware of their extreme behaviour as they are unable to reflect.
• They think their behaviour is acceptable and find it difficult when someone does not like them or does not agree with them.
• They manipulate others to achieve their goals and to cover up their real selves. Once they have got what they want out of you, you get dismissed and they will not want anything to do with you.
• They don't like criticism. If you criticise them they will become very hostile. Some will accept this face on but will be very bitter about it underneath.
• They will not spend time with people unconditionally, they are more likely to spend time with people they get something out of. They want to satisfy their own selfish desires.
• They are very judgmental.
• Have a very jealous nature.
• They are hostile and aggressive if they are criticised or fail at something.
• They are the focus of every conversation and take over.
• They always want to feel superior.

The patterns of behaviour with a Narcissist and a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are the extremes. People with a healthy self-esteem will get success in life such as getting jobs and accomplishments but they consider other peoples feelings and help others. They have self-respect. Most people who have their feelings hurt don't act out with anger and rage. Healthy people are not cruel to people if they do not give them what they want. Healthy people do not exploit others, do not gossip spread and start rumours that will harm other people's reputations. Healthy people do not act the victim and they accept responsibility for their mistakes.

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How To Deal With A Narcissist

Dealing with a Narcissist is very difficult. If it causes significant harm the best way is to spend little time as possible with them or walk out of the relationship altogether. A good way to deal with them is to have compassion. In the end, the Narcissist has feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred towards themselves. However, this does not mean allowing them to do what they want to you. Having an attitude that is non-responsive is best. Narcissists love drama so don't give it to them. Give them genuine praise on the qualities they do have. Be more docile in criticism. Don't demand or expect support as a Narcissist is unable to provide it. Offer them support and a way to get help. However, some Narcissists do not recognise they have a problem so this is easier said than done. Above all keep your emotions neutral and give no emotional reaction. Keep your dignity and don't sink to their level, leave them to look stupid.

My final point is that most people have some mild levels of Narcissism, however, this does not mean they are a Narcissist or have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It comes down to how extreme is their behaviour. If they have no empathy towards others, take great enjoyment out of harming others and are unable to recognise this, we have to consider how much time we want to spend around this person.

Rivers, C. (2014). Personality disorders and mental illnesses. [Place of publication not identified]: [publisher not identified], chapter 11 to chapter 14.

Thinking For Ourselves

In my opinion, thinking for ourselves is a valuable asset to carry us through life.

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Not following the crowd gives us the chance to grow in our own way. We are more likely to become the people we really want to be or are destined to be. Following the crowd is stressful and often leads to disappointment as we are not really living our lives for ourselves but for other people.

We can never be sure that we are being provided with the correct information. Stories can turn into Chinese whispers and the information we are given gets distorted through misunderstanding or being altered whether intentional or not.

A very good reason for learning to think for ourselves is we are less likely to be vulnerable to manipulation. Our thoughts, opinions and feelings towards a particular subject cannot be influenced or exploited which can affect enjoyment, choices and opportunities in our life. If we want to learn, we need to learn from valuable and trusted sources.

We have to ask ourselves questions. Think why we want to do something or why we have a particular opinion. Weighing up the benefits and pitfalls so we can come to our own conclusions will give us the most accurate result. We have a habit of being buyest to our own opinions because it benefits us or makes us feel safe, but it does not necessarily mean that it is the best choice, so we need to be aware of this. We can often feel uneasy disagreeing with others and fear that we will be rejected, but if people do not support our opinions there is nothing we can do, at least we have been true to ourselves. However, they might also feel a great amount of respect us for giving our own opinion.

Expressing our own opinions does not need to be done in a hostile way. We only need to state our opinion and we can give an explanation why. If we use this method when deciding on anything in our life, we will find that we have made the right choice with the right evidence. We will not always be right, but we will have made a correct evaluation before taking the next step.

We must always be ourselves. It takes a great amount of bravery to do this, we live in a very judgmental world. We need to find our focus, know our boundaries and be the people we want to be. This way we will feel altogether happier and more satisfied throughout life.  

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My Diary: Having Good Habits for Success

I have returned from a fantasic training event with Dave O'Connor. It was a one day event so I took the opportunity to attend to learn great habits for my business.

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The first habit I learned was having good self-talk. If we think every morning how we want to be that day, it will put us in a good mindset for the rest of the day. We get addicted to negativity and negative thoughts, so focusing on the good will reduce levels of negativity. Following the 3:1 ratio of 3 positives to 1 negative will make us feel better overall. Focus on what is going right, not what is going wrong and it is important not to compare ourselves to others. I learned that we can change our state of mind in an instant. With the right input, we can change from negative to positive, sad to happy. Positivity keeps us motivated, it is just down to good habits. Feelings such as fear, what others think about us, change and failure are some things that hold us back. We should work on our thoughts and be the sort of people we want others to be attracted to. Successful people have endless energy and they overcome their challenges.

The next important habit I learned is having a goal to work towards. If we see what we want and focus on it, we will achieve it. Every morning and evening we should write down any goals we have so we are revisiting them every day. Each day, we need to work on something that takes us closer to our goals. If it does not take us towards our goals, we should not bother with it.

Being persistent is a great skill for success. If we fail, we should embrace the failure and keep moving on. If we stop, we will not achieve what we want. If we put ourselves first, we will become better people. This does not mean neglecting others and treating them badly, it is about taking a little time for ourselves each day to meditate, relax or do something we really enjoy so we have the energy to keep going.

Taking action is essential for achieving results. If we do not act, we will not do the work to achieve the results. Act every day towards achieving.

Belief will motivate us. If we believe we can have it all and decide greatness is our destiny, in time we will achieve what we want. We also have to know what we want and why we want it.

Every day I am going to follow this routine:

Listen to Dave O'Connor's Blueprint Course,

Write things I am grateful for in my gratitude journal,

Do a little personal development reading,

Revisit my goals and write them down,

Walk in nature,

Review the good things that happened throughout the day.

O'Connor, D. (2017). Mindset Momentum One Day Event.

Values

I have learned something very important about how we all think and look at life. We all value things differently. We have different ideas about values in our life that are important to us and how we prioritise them.

For me, I have spent time thinking what is important to me. I must understand what I value in order that I grow.

I have come up with a list of 10 words that best describe what I value:


Peace, security, freedom, relationships, comfort, achievement, rewards, flexibility, satisfaction and balance.

These values describe the sort of person I am.

I will explain in more detail the items on my list.

Peace

Peace to me is about living a balanced life of work and play, it means the chance to relax and spend time with family and friends. It is about living with little amount of stress as possible, being healthy, having a clear mind and feeling happy and fulfilled.

Security

Security is about being free from debt, having stability, feeling safe and protected. It is about having confidence, feeling positive and having peace of mind.

Freedom

For me, freedom is about having time to spend doing the things I love, being able to relax, having flexibility with my work and living a balanced life.

Relationships

Relationships are important to me because it gives me a sense of belonging, help and support from others if I need them and vice versa, feeling protected and happy. Having people to share my life with and having their loyalty. It is also about keeping the good people in my life and keeping the bad out.

Comfort

Comfort is about having a roof over my head, having financial independence, money to spend on recreation, having holidays and good health. Comfort is about having the little extras in life to enjoy.

Achievement

Achievement is feeling good about something I have earned through hard work and effort. This is important because of the rewards I will receive as a result of the achievement.

Rewards

Rewards for me are about gaining as a result of hard work and effort.

Flexibility

Being able to have a flexible working life is really important to me as I can work around my family commitments. I do not have to worry about fitting my life around my work but fitting my work around my life.

Satisfaction

Satisfaction is all about being grateful for everything that I have. My desires and needs are fulfilled. It gives me happiness and a feeling of contentment.

Balance

Balance is important so that I have equal time at work between doing the things I want and spending time with friends and family. I do not want to spend all my time working as it is not good for my health and to not spend too much time on recreation as I will not reap any rewards.

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To move forward and really know who we are, we need to think what we value the most. We all have different values and rate them of importance differently. We all live our lives by what we value.

The best way how to discover what our values are is to think of 10 values. List them in order of importance and think of words that describe each value and what each one means.

Appreciation...

Family and friends are very important in our lives. We cannot live as an island. There are times we and the people in our lives need support, help and need to feel a sense of belonging.

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It is important that we do not take the people in our life for granted. We do not know the future. We might not be here in a few years. We might never get the chance again to tell them how we feel. We do not want to feel regret or that we could have done something differently. Standing by the people who stand by us will prevent feelings of hurt that we will create if we do not show appreciation.

It is also important when dealing with people at work. This improves relationships and happiness in the workplace. When people are happy at their work they perform better. It also reduces stress and conflict.

Saying 'thank you' is a simple way of showing appreciation. Give a gift or a card telling them how much we have appreciated what they have done. Taking them out for lunch, dinner or a trip to the cinema is a great way to show we value and treasure them.

Showing appreciation in a relationship will create a strong bond. The relationship will be happier, there will be more respect and there will be no regrets.

Sooner or later...

Life gives us challenges from every direction. If life has taught me anything it is how short our lives are and we have to make the best out of the time we have. Sooner or later we have to decide to keep what is productive and loose what is not productive. So, no matter how big or small, why not make our mark and do something to improve our lives that we can be remembered for?

People have a bad habit of wasting time not making an effort to improve anything in life. The reality is, people are responsible for the problems in the world. We could achieve so much more solving problems rather than creating them. Everything in life can be turned into something for the better. We learn from problems which makes us stronger. If we are unable to change a problem or a situation, accept it and find something else to replace it with. If we loose a loved one, why not create a memorial for them, it could be something as simple as a scrapbook with pictures about their life.

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Keeping positive is great for our mental health. The world around us is so negative. Instead of feeding ourselves with negativity, we should spend time with people we love and have a laugh on a regular basis. Why not, it costs nothing.

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Never hold a grudge. We all make mistakes and see things differently. The best way is to come together and find a solution. If we miss the boat, we might never get another chance. If we are unable to find a solution, the best way is to just walk away. At the end of the day, life is too short for battles that do not have positive outcomes.

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It is important for us to fill our lives with things we enjoy. There are times when we have to do things we do not want to do, but if we spend time doing the things we love and balance it with our work, it makes our lives much more enjoyable.

Does Luck Determine Our Success?

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While working on my personal development I think to myself, does luck have a role to play in our success?

In my opinion, being lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time can make a difference. However, we can get plenty of opportunities being in the right place at the right time but do not do the work so we will fail. We can go through endless struggles, but through hard work we become successful. Being in the right place at the right time can make us successful more quickly, provided we work for it.

Success is about taking action. If we do not take action, we will not be successful. In order to achieve anything, we have to learn the necessary skills. Luck when taking action at the right time will increase our chances, but it does not mean that if we take action at a different time we will not achieve success. We have to become knowledgeable about our passions. Sometimes the action taken at a certain time does not give us success, but if we keep working at what we want, we will be successful, it is just a matter of time. Keep working until the right time comes along.

Being lucky enough to live a more privileged life can give us bigger opportunities and the money to work towards what we want to achieve, but again, if we do not work hard we will not achieve what we want.

Being lucky enough to have a natural positive attitude is great for success, but if we are not naturally positive, this is an area that can be worked on. Keeping positive when the right time comes will increase our chances of success, but if we do not have a positive attitude at that time, it can hold us back. Keeping a positive attitude at times of difficulty will increase our chances of success in the long run. Keep positive and things will fall into place. When we are positive this also improves our relationships with others. The way we view our situation has an impact on the outcome. Feeling sorry for ourselves does hold us back, but how well we pick ourselves up once we fall depends on our results. Sometimes it takes us many attempts at success until we achieve it.

So, I think becoming successful comes down to a variety of factors. The right time for success or we are ready for success, taking action and learning the skills to maintain our success, having the tools to succeed and a positive attitude. I do believe that the outcome of our life depends on the actions we take and the attitude we have.    

My Diary: Visit To Morocco

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

My first visit to Morocco was a fantastic experience. It is a country with beautiful scenery, friendly people, wonderful culture and cuisine.

The flights were from Aberdeen to London, then London to Marrakesh. Then to drive over the Atlas mountains to Errachidia. The flights went pretty smoothly, just a short delay going from London to Marrakesh. The weather was good in the UK and Morocco. This visit was in February so it was not very hot. Probably the best time to go for a fist visit. However, it was sunny and warm the first few days we were in Morocco, more like a summer day in the UK.

My husband and I spent our first night in Marrakesh. The houses have a beautiful living space with a terrace where you can go out to sit or hang up washing.

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Marrakesh is full of restaurants and riads. The market in the Old Medina sells a wide variety of pottery, clothing, silver, etc. Just try to avoid being run over as there are bicycles and scooters everywhere.

Driving in Morocco is crazy. Drivers do not stick to their designated lane but drive down the middle and only move when they see a car coming in the opposite direction. When overtaking you have to flash your lights or sound your horn so the driver in front knows you are passing.

The mountains are very rocky. When driving over the mountains there are many places for tourists to stop. There are restaurants and an opportunity to purchase argan oil products as well as be shown how the argan oil is extracted. There was a lot of work going on in the mountain road as it was being widened so the road will be improved for tourism.

Berbers are the indigenous people of North Africa. They mainly inhabit the mountain areas of Morocco. The picture below shows how a small village has been built into the side of a mountain.

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Below are some scenic views of the desert areas.

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017
  Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

The houses are very basic, but they have everything you need. They are very cool inside in the summer and there is a chiminea inside to keep warm in the winter. Some have beds and others just have a mattress on the floor. Some houses have a toilet that is just a hole in the floor as in the picture below.

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Some of the houses have a separate wash house with a gas boiler to heat the water. You get a very hot shower.

The berber women make their own bread. It is often baked in a clay oven outside, an example in the picture below.

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All the food is prepared from scratch using different spices. Below is stuffed rabbit served with chips and salad.

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Water is collected from a spring. There is running water in most houses, but it is not clean enough to drink. The water from the spring is fresh water which has come from the mountains.

The traditional moroccan mint tea is very strong and very sweet. It is a combination of green tea and mint leaves. The lump of sugar that is put in the tea is huge.

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On the way back to Marrakesh, the weather was colder and there was snow on the mountains. The scenery was really breathtaking.

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

Photo by Louise MacPherson, February 2017

By the time we got back to Marrakesh there was a thunder storm and it was raining so our flight was delayed by a few hours. When we got back to London, the weather was still wet and windy and we could feel the aeroplane being blown on the runway.  I am not the best of flyers so it was pretty scary.

I enjoyed my visit and I hope to return to Morocco next year.

My Diary: Birmingham Showcase

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My first visit to Birmingham in the UK was fantastic. Birmingham is a beautiful city full of shops, restaurants and canals. I had never been to Birmingham before and I did not realise there were so many canals going through the city. There are little bridges so people on foot can cross the canals. There are boats on the canal and these boats can be used for holidays, parties and some of them are restaurants. When holidaying in a boat on the canal, you can park your boat outside a restaurant to go in and have a meal.

I decided to splash out and travel first class to get to Birmingham as I had got a ticket that was quite cheap. I got lots of food such as a vegetable wrap, a banana, a panettoncino, all the tea I could drink and biscuits. It was also so quiet so I got peace to read my books.

My visit to Birmingham was for the New Year Showcase. The Showcase was amazing with people in the network marketing business telling their story of how they became successful. This was very inspiring. Some people had overcome great struggles to achieve success and improve their lives. Training was also available on how to work a network marketing business. This was of great help to me.

I went out for a meal after the Showcase with my friends in the business. It was great to catch up with everyone.

My Diary: Motivation

Today, I have an overwhelming motivation to work harder to achieve one of my goals.

I am delivering business cards to houses in my city. Delivering business cards will give me new customers in new areas as well as give me new pupils for my music teaching. When I see all the lovely houses in Aberdeen, it gives me a good idea what house I am looking to buy in the future. I see things clearer than before. Seeing what I could buy inspires me to work harder.

I did not realise how many streets there are in Aberdeen. I walk down one street and it takes me to another street. There are so many houses I did not realise existed. Even though I have lived in Aberdeen all my life, there are streets I have not even walked or driven down. There are houses with beautiful gardens, lovely views, new houses and old houses.

I cannot photograph houses where people live, but the pictures below give me an idea of what I am looking for.

The houses below are a good size. They have their own grounds and all but one have a garage.

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I love old houses and new, but I think I prefer a new build house.

This last picture is the house I like the most. It is very unusual. It lets a lot of light in through the large windows. These windows can have blinds for more privacy if needed. There is plenty of garage space as there are three garages. I love the large balconies. Fantastic for when the weather is good. I can sit out on a lovely day and have my breakfast as I look over the garden. As it is a new house, it would not need very much maintenance as would be the case with an older property. It would be very well insulated so it would be easy to keep warm in the winter.

This picture will be put on my vision board.

My Diary: Holiday Plans to Morocco

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My holiday is planned for two weeks time. I am going to Morocco. I fly to London from Aberdeen, then London to Marrakesh. I get very nervous before getting on a plane. I do not enjoy it, but it will be worth it for the few hours so I can go to Morocco. Morocco is not that far from the UK.

It is my first holiday in I don't know how long. I am going with my husband and the plan is to rent a car, see as much as we can as we are only going for eight days. I don't think it will be long enough, but I will be visiting again. My husband is Moroccan so he knows all the good places to see. I am looking forward to spending time with in-laws.

Morocco is a mixture of Arabs, Berbers and Europeans. The country has desert, riads (Moroccan traditional houses), restaurants, hospitable people and great food, I have been told. I can smell the scent of spices in the air already. I am looking forward to hearing the call to prayer.

Training Our Mind For Success

I have just finished a fantastic course by Dave O'Connor. He is a Mindset Expert and Coaches Network Marketers on achieving success. Dave's courses can be applied in any walk of life, not just business but also our personal life.

He discusses how to have healthy and positive habits. This involves setting our goals, being consistent, challenging ourselves all the time, be clear on our vision and what success means to us.

He focuses on using our imagination to think, act and feel as if our dream has already happened. This can be in the form of post dating a cheque on how much we want to earn, write the date, the amount and our name. This will give us a goal of how much we want to earn and work towards. We can visualise where we want to live and use our imagination to feel that it is a reality. On top of this, we have to have a good work ethic and take action every day towards our goals.

We need to take action.  Have our goal in our mind all the time, go into dream mode, plan, structure and have a good routine. We must ensure that our daily activities are working towards what we want and know what we need to do to achieve it. We must link our daily activities to our vision and prioritise our activities of importance. We have to do something that works towards our vision every day.

He discusses the good habit of taking time for ourselves. Although technology is fantastic for our everyday needs, we need to turn it off and take the time to chill. We need to clear our minds, meditation is great for this, keep visualising the end result and get outside and walk in nature. Walking in nature aids relaxation. Have a routine every morning and night to remind us of our goals and vision.

Dave talks about increasing our levels of belief. Say can rather than can't. We need to overcome our limiting beliefs and modify our thoughts before they take hold. Also we have to observe how we talk to ourselves, how to deal with negative people around us and recognise our fears of being laughed at or sounding stupid. If we have a negative thought we need to think about a stop sign and two roads called negative and positive, then decide to travel down the positive road. When we increase our level of belief our doubt goes down. We need to keep connecting with our reason why we are dong things. Mix with people that have the lives that we want which will eventually rub off on us, it also reduces the amount of negativity that surrounds us.

Dave teaches us a state of mind for attracting what we want called the ABC State. A=Appreciation; what is good about our lives, this reduces our stress, frustration and fear. Be thankful for our family members, relationships, friends and clients. B=Bold Enthusiasm; take action when needed, lead by example and keep questioning our comfort zone so we can keep growing. C=Certainty; keep fighting and do not let outside influences affect us.

He talks about our to-do list. We must not get distracted by emails, facebook and messages as it wastes time when we are working on important tasks. Check our social media later and focus on what we want and need to achieve. Redirect our attention if we loose focus. We need to increase our positive to negative ratio to 3:1. It is ideal to be able to do 5:1. Cancel out every negative thought with at least three positive thoughts. Cancel out a negative thought by using the ABC State. Success is about our relationships with people. Eradicate any distractions. It does not mean not check our emails or messages but, not let them break our focus on a task we are doing that takes us towards out goals and vision. Say no to people if we are busy.

Success is about turning obstacles into opportunities. Growing every day is essential. There are going to be turmoils and challenges in our lives but we can progress from difficulties. We can't control how people behave but we can control our own responses. They are opportunities to develop our character. We grow from failure and we must earn our success.

Dave gives us tips on how to overcome fear. Everyone feels fear, but we can overcome it. We must accept where we are now at this present time. We must not judge or criticise ourselves as it takes up so much energy. 9 out of 10 fears never actually happen. Focus on what we want, not what we are frightened of.

What is the pursuit of happiness? We must be responsible for our own emotions. We must avoid spreading negativity by sharing negative posts and moaning about our lives. This starts a following of negativity. We must find fun in the things we do. Laugh and enjoy life, not moan. Joy is connected to a good life. To be successful we need a strong work ethic with the correct mindset. Feel-good chemicals are released when we are happy and joyful and our brains will perform better.

He teaches us how to make the good habits stick. Set up good habits that keep us on the track to success. Every morning we must write down our goals. Write habits in our calendar and take action on the time stated. A good system is to measure habits every day with a rating system on how well we have done. 1 for not at all and 10 for fantastic. Our goals need emotional sensitivity so we must write them down every morning. Have trigger moments for achieving our habits, for example, when the kids go to school, go to the gym or go out for a walk, after you have your shower, write down your goals.

How we deal with negative people is essential to our success. Minimise our time with people who are psychologically draining. Keep a good environment around us. How we think about ourselves is how people treat us. We have to remember that we are in charge of our mind and emotions.

Model the people who have the lifestyle we want. We are brought up as children to be negative. This can be changed, but it does take time. We must value ourselves or no one will value us. Set our mind to abundance and wealth. Disregard the negative opinions of others. We must begin with ourselves and not with our bank accounts. See ourselves as special and meant to live a successful life through money, health and relationships.

At times when we loose our passion, there are steps for us to get it back. Detach from the past and clean up our emotional life. Everywhere we go, we must have a great time. We must keep working on our skills and mindset. We must remember it takes time to achieve success. In any chosen field it takes 10,000 hours to achieve expert level and 5 to 7 years to achieve our highest potential. Everything we do, we must think how this is connecting us to our purpose and that we are going somewhere. Above all, generate energy, excitement, motivate others and be enthusiastic.

Dealing with rejection is essential for us to progress. Most of the things we think are going to happen, never actually do. Our brains have a habit of working out the worst case scenario. Think to ourselves 'awesome' when we get rejected and this will help us keep a positive way of thinking. We must not have expectations for a yes or no, keep an open mind, people will not always say yes straight away. Our fear of being criticised has to be lowered. We must not base the world and our lives on what others think, they are often misguided anyway. There are a lot of people out there that are appreciative. We must believe in ourselves. When we are a leader, become one. Leadership skills can be trained.

When we are a leader we must stick to our vision, be consistent, have courage, move outside our comfort zone, learn how to treat people well, lead by example and even if people quit, continue what we are doing. Above all be honest and direct.

It is important that we learn to put out positive energy. We are able to pick up on other people's emotions and they pick up on ours. Clear communication is essential as we do not know other people's challenges or what is going on in their lives. We should be understanding, helpful and have patience with people. It is not our job to control everybody. Some people are not at the stage where they want to be because they do not have the necessary skills.

In our culture, it is socially acceptable to give our lives away. So we have to learn to be busy, but not rushed and stressed. Stress makes us feel miserable and out of balance. We have to work at a pace we can manage. We must be grateful for what we have and have healthy friendships, relationships and we must get rid of things that do not add value to our lives. 80% of our success comes from the way we think. We spend too much time in our lives on media and gossip. We must have a constructive life in order to be happy and satisfied. Happy experiences in our lives make the difference, they can be relived many times over.

To create good habits we need to break the bad habits. We have to make ourselves aware of the thought patterns that hold us back. We need to say  stop and interrupt any negative thoughts, replace them with positive thoughts and positive actions. We need to reflect on how we have done throughout the day such as; did we focus on what we had to do, did we respect others and show enthusiasm? We must learn to implement this to fight against what we are taught culturally. Put fun into daily activities and create good habits so they become routine.

Dave gives good advice on how to deal with a day that is not going well. We have to think back to the reasons why we are doing the things we are doing. We have to focus on the key activities for the day. We must take time out for ourselves and do something that makes us feel good. We must keep thinking to ourselves that life wants us to be successful and that we will live an abundant life. The day must not be left to chance, plan out the ideal day. Solve problems with calmness and peace.

We must not loose sight of our vision and must always work towards it. There are challenges in life, so we must use our challenges to our advantage. When we move out of our comfort zone, it feels uncomfortable so we must stay with the task until it becomes comfortable. Keeping the momentum going is essential for success. The more action we take, the more progress we will make. Following the example of successful people will get us success. We must keep acquiring skills and even once we have achieved one set of skills we need to keep growing.

Dave's teaching throughout the course is fantastic. For anyone interested in personal development reading his books and attending his courses are essential for learning the necessary skills. These skills not only apply to business but also to everyday life and relationships.

"Dave O'connor - Mindset Mastery - Timeline | Facebook". Facebook.com. N.p., 2016. Web. 20 Aug. 2016.

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Skills For Success!

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Dani Johnson is a woman who has been through so much, yet she has become highly successful in building a business. She has taught me so many useful tips, not only for my business but for use in my daily life.


1  It is important for us to realise that we should not wait for the perfect circumstances to start working towards our achievements and what we want. If we do, we will miss the chance. We should not make excuses for finding a way forward.

I started my business because I was working in a school playing piano. When that position was not required, I had to look for an alternative. As I did not want to go back into a 9 to 5 job, I came across a Network Marketing opportunity. It seemed right for me as it was flexible, I could work my own hours and it was a business which I preferred to do rather than work in paid employment.

2  Dani teaches that if we want to be successful, we have to follow people that have the lifestyle that we want and do what they do. We have to commit and be prepared to work for it. We need patience, training and a vision of what we want to achieve. Investing in our education is very important. Network Marketing is a very people orientated business.

I knew I would get the support I needed to build my business. I was prepared to be patient, after all, it took time for me to learn piano and flute in order to teach, so I knew I would need to learn how to do this business. I need to read the correct material to expand my knowledge.

3  Taking the advice of successful people is essential. We have to put into practice what we learn and keep learning. Make the decision we are going to do this despite what others say.

I need to mix with successful people. In this business I need to learn, it is essential for success so I need to attend my training.

4  We must always be open minded or we will never grow. When we have had bad experiences, it should not prevent us from choosing to do something to improve our lives. Take the risk, there is no security in anything and we never know when things will work out. We need to learn professional skills to become a professional. High effort brings high results, low effort brings low results. There is a chance that things will not work out, but if we do not try, they will definitely not.

This is something that I need to work on. I need to work towards trying new things. They do not need to be major changes to start, as long as it is something that works towards what I want to achieve. I am not the best at taking risks. I am always afraid of the consequences, however, if I do not take any chances, I will not grow. Risks do not have to be major, I can take it a small step at a time. I need to step out of my comfort zone in order to progress.

5  When we are a leader, we need to create system dependent people, not co-dependent people. Let our team members step-up and take action, we should not do it all ourselves. Delegate to others as team members have to build their own independent business. They have to be shown how to take care of themselves and find things out themselves.

I need to work on teaching my team members to be independent. If I guide my team members in the right direction, towards training and support, they will be able to build their own business.

6  If we want to make more money with less stress, we have to go into things with enough skill, wisdom and belief to be successful. If we sit on the fence, we will never succeed. We all have lots of areas where we have wasted money and time through bad choices. Risk takers are the ones that make history, spending time on things that are fruitful and do not care what others think. Get on with what we have to do and get the job done with results. The higher our skills, the more we will be paid. Do not worry about rejection, just think to ourselves that not everyone will say no.

Keeping on top of my personal development is essential so I keep learning new skills and how to deal with building a business.

7  When talking to people, it is important that we understand it is how we say things not what we say. People can sense facial expressions over the phone. If we are smiling, it does show in the way we speak. If we are confident, this will be communicated to the listener. However, if we are frustrated, doubtful, anxious or nervous, this will be communicated to the listener. We have to correct our non-verbal communication.

If I keep confident on the phone, the listener will feel confident about the opportunity. My confidence will give them belief in the business.

8  Dani teaches us that our skills can never be taken from us. The more skills we have, the more money we will make. Improve ourselves from our experiences. When we do not succeed after being discouraged or frustrated, we must think of a number of factors to improve such as; thinking in the long term, unconditional commitment, build our skills, have belief, spend time with successful people, be teachable, listen to others who give us good advice, focus on our goals, work hard and above all, not to wait for the perfect circumstances and work with what we have. When it comes to earning money, we are paid for our value. Our value is our skills. Developing people skills are important. Any business or occupation will not grow outwith our skill level. We do not want to be high maintenance to our employers, otherwise we will be first in line for redundancy or loss of our job. Skills breed confidence and excuses come from fear and fear comes from the unknown.

My skills are essential for my success. I am spending a lot of time researching my strengths and weaknesses through personal development so I will become a better person.

9  We have to have belief that we are going to reach our goals. We cannot rob ourselves of opportunities because we make excuses. Come out of the whining attitude and learn to win. Many people fail because they have the attitude that they want something for nothing and are not prepared to work for what they want. We must put in effort to get the results that we want. The important thing is to follow directions. Success is not possible through cutting corners. Count on ourselves to be responsible to achieve the future we want.

I have been guilty in the past of making excuses and talking myself out of doing a task. I need to work towards the things I want and have faith that they will happen.

10  Keep life simple and remove things that make our lives complicated. What we feed will grow so it is important that we feed our activity and starve our doubts and anxieties. Focus on results. We never know when our lives are going to turn out for the best or turn out for the worst, but we can put ourselves in the position that our lives will get better. A fact of life is we duplicate what we give out. If we are negative, we will duplicate negativity. If we increase our skills and learn as much as possible, we will better ourselves.

I have put my goals on my vision board and put it in the hall where I can see it every day. This will help feed my activity and give me something to work towards.

11  Discouragement and disappointment builds our character. It is about how we react to things whether we are successful or not. We have to copy successful people and what they have done to become successful. We must never quit. We all have strengths and weaknesses but it is about having the belief to succeed. What has happened in our past does not have to equal our future, we can change things for the better. Success comes from trusting in ourselves, having a good work ethic and persistence. Make a commitment, drop that ego and be teachable.

I have to learn that when things go wrong it is character building. I am very good at consistency so I will not quit when things get tough. If I have a positive outlook when things go wrong, I will recover and get back on track.

Dani has done many courses throughout the US and she has a selection of books that can be purchased in order to better our skills in work and life.

"Quick Start – 30 Day Boot Camp". Smarter Networker. N.p., 2005. Web. 20 Aug. 2016.

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